Freely.

     Have you read the book of Hosea?  Well if not, here is a quick break down. God basically calls Hosea to marry and have children by a harlot who is not going to be faithful to him.  I'm not going to lie, if the Lord called me to say yes to the proposal of a man who I knew was in that type of "business", my name should just be changed to Jonah, because I would out.  However, God uses this situation to give us a deeper understanding of His relationship with the children of Israel...and if we are being honest, ourselves.  He calls Hosea to chase after her, to pursue her, to love her and to bring her the things that she needs, even though she is being unfaithful to him and their commitment to each other.  It is so humbling that our God does the same thing for us.  In spite of ourselves, our lack of commitment and our faithlessness, our God does not change who He is.  For that I am thankful.

    In chapter nine verse 1, God is speaking to Israel and He says, "For you have played the harlot against your God.  You have made love for hire on every threshing floor." How's that for a visual?  Then He goes on in 11:3 showing His nature towards us, "I taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by their arms, but they did not know that I healed them.  I drew them with gentle cords, with bands of love, and I was to them as those who take the yoke from their neck.  I stooped and I feed them." The reality is that we play the harlot with the Lord all of time, whether we realize it or not.  When we place things in our life in the place that only He should inhabit, when we seek out other things before we seek Him, or even when we fervently search for satisfaction in everything else around us except for Him, the only one who can truly satisfy.  While the whole  book of Hosea is a heart-checker to say the least, its the ending that really hits it home for me.

     Hosea 14:4 says, "I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely, for my anger has turned away from him."  I will love them freely.  Freely?  You mean even after all of that, Lord?  Even after all of my unfaithfulness and my lack of commitment?  After all of the times I have ignored You, putting everything else before you?  After the times when I felt that You were pursuing me to sit at Your feet and I told you later, which never came?  You mean even in the times where I find myself clinging to my desires, problems, worries and hurts more than I cling to You?  Even when I put my hope in things that will never stand when You are standing right beside me beckoning me to put all of my hope in You?  Even after all of that, He still loves us freely.  His love is not conditional, it is not changing and it is not because of who we are, but who He is.  Speechless.

     I can not begin to understand the depth of His love for me because my human heart is totally the opposite.  My love can be conditional, I can put up walls in hopes of protecting myself, I can withhold my love.  But God can't, He won't.  He can't love you anymore than He loves you right now.  He loves you freely.  Yup, freely.  Don't ever doubt it.

   

Opened and Closed Doors.

     When I have decision to make or am in a situation my prayers sound a little like this, "Lord, if this is not your will for me then please close the door, but if it is please open the door so wide that I know without a doubt that this is you."  Sometimes God will close the door, right in my face or open the door gently ushering me through to my next step.  Or even sometimes He will leave the door as is giving me the choice, based on what I know of Him and His word, to walk through it or to go a different way.  I wish I could say that I ALWAYS follow the Lord's leadings in these matters, that once I get the word that I confidently either walk through or stop knowing that He knows what is best for my life...but I would be lying if acted like I did.  Truth is, while it seems outrageous to say that in certain situations in my life that know better than God, my actions tend to speak for themselves.

     I have lost many spiritual fingers, a couple of nails and a lot of time trying to pry a door open or even stop a door from closing.  In my flawed humanness, I believe that by sticking my foot in the way of the door knob reaching its destination, I can somehow show the Lord that He most likely has failed to see what I see and if I just wait here long enough with my foot jammed in the doorway that His omniscient knowledge will catch up to what I know and He will change His mind.  Then there are those times that I continue to knock, no bang on that door all the while believing that He must have forgotten about me on the other side. Not realizing that at that very moment He is doing the very best for me because while a situation might look great in my eyes, He sees the destruction that it will bring and desires to spare me the hurt and whatever else negative ramifications that will come along with it.

   Then there is the other answer where the Lord opens the door.  You would think that whenever I get those that I tie up my Nike's or slip on my Vans or shimmy into my heels and skip through, smiling and confident.  Again, I would love to say that is always my response, but it is not.  I carefully walk over to the door and look through it but get a little nervous and go back to my comfy spot on the other side of the room to pray about it some more. "Show me Lord, make it super clear to me." I check out the door again this time coming from the side, pushing my body hard against the wall so that I don't accidentally fall through the open doorway.  Again, speed walking back to the other side of the room convincing myself that God hasn't really thought this through because it makes no sense.  "Lord, I am going to seek You harder than I have ever sought You before!  I am going to fast for forty days so that You can see that I mean business and that I trust you."  He can put a sign with my name on it (which He has before), give me a dream (have gotten those too) or continuously place said situation on my heart so heavy that it is all that I can think about.  Still doesn't mean I am going to willingly walk through those doors.  Usually something happens beyond my control that catapults me through, past my fears, doubts and questions, to get me where He wants me on the other side.  Once I am over there, I wish I would have went sooner.

     I can't possibly be only one that has reacted this way.  When God closes a door it may not be forever, but it is for right now and when God opens a door, He is leading you exactly where He wants you to be even if it doesn't make sense to you now.  I have the most peace, the kind of peace that surpasses all of my understanding when no matter how the situation looks to me I purpose in my heart to follow the Lords leading in my life.  Nothing can thwart the Lords amazing plans for our lives (Job 42:2), but we can delay them!  Stop delaying! Get in, buckle your seat belt and enjoy the ride!

"I know that You can do all things, and that no thought or purpose of Yours can be restrained or thwarted." (Job 42:2 AMP)

The High Places.

     The children of Israel wanted a king, someone other than Jesus, so He gave them exactly what they asked for.  Some of the kings destroyed them, leading them further away from the Lord, while others followed in the steps of King David, leading them closer to Him.  However, the kings that feared the Lord did not do one very important thing, they did not remove the high places.  The high places were areas outside of the city where the people would go to create shrines for their many gods and to pray, seek and worship their idols  (2 Kings). While the intentions of the kings who loved the Lord were good, they unknowingly were leading the people back to the very things that the Lord wanted to free them from.

     In the past I have read about the children of Israel with my nose up in the air, baffled at their lack of discernment and trust in God.  Hello, didn't you guys see God?  You saw Him work, He brought you Quail by the thousands, Uh, and not to mention He led you by a cloud in the day and fire at night.  For goodness sakes, you guys walked for forty years and your shoes did not even wear down, you walked across a sea on dry land and you were thirsty and God gave you water out of a rock!  Quickly forgetting all of that, as soon as the Lord didn't respond how they thought He should in the timing that seemed right to them or God forbid they had to wait for ANYTHING, they high-tailed it back up the mountain to seek their other gods.  Sound familiar? As I read this, I was convicted.  How often do I take matters into my own hands?  More than I would like to admit.  How many times have I not been satisfied with what the Lord was doing in my life that I shimmied back up the mountain to the things that were once comfortable?

     Let's keep it real with ourselves.  While we may not physically climb up the mountain, in our hearts we have made the journey many times.  We have blatantly stepped ahead of the Lord while letting Him know that His way was not good enough.  Throwing up the deuces as we passed by Him saying, "I've got this God, I know what to do to make myself feel better, I know who can quickly fill that longing in my heart for now and those fleshy urges that I have? Pssssh, no worries, Jesus, I'll get them taken care of."  By not getting rid of those things in our lives that so easily ensnare us, completely surrendering them all to the Lord and allowing Him to tear down those things that hold a higher place in our hearts than He does, we deceive ourselves.  We are not as strong as we think we are.  It is way too easy to go back.  We need Him, above everything else, we need Him.  We need to allow Him to tear down those shrines in our hearts, to reveal to us those things that we are clinging to that are not of Him.  His timing can not be beat and His ways are impeccable, much better than we could ever orchestrate on our own.  I choose to trust Him.
     

That Nine Letter Word.

It has been a while since I have written anything, not because nothing is going on but because of the exact opposite. I feel like I have been on a journey with Jesus.  You know, those times in your life when you say to the Lord, "Really, Lord? I've got nothing left! Nothing!"  Then you repent, asking for forgiveness for doubting His refining ways. I have had many of those and while at the time they were painful and totally not what I would have picked for myself, I wouldn't change it for the world. It's because of those times that I know Jesus more. 

Okay, with that out of the way I have a confession.  These last five months or so God has been putting my blog on my heart.  Gently reminding me of it, speaking to my heart to share..oh, and not to mention that everywhere I went everyone and their mama either mentioned my blog, or their blog, or a blog that they read somewhere.  When the thoughts came into my mind, I just dismissed them (I wish I could do that so easily with all those thoughts that I NEED to take captive!) while telling myself that I didn't really have anything to say and no time to say it, successfully talking myself out of doing what I knew God was telling me to do and not giving a second thought about it.  Which brings me to what I want to share...

Lately this pesky nine letter word keeps popping up everywhere.  In my quiet time, in my devotions, in conversations with friends...heck, God put it on my heart to listen to a podcast a couple of nights ago before I went to sleep and what do you know, the only four sermons available were all about...OBEDIENCE.  I still didn't get it.  I mean, I did  my own inventory of my life and my heart and I would say that I basically was doing what I should be doing.  I couldn't help but laugh as I am writing this because as ridiculous as it sounds, I am just being real.  I began to pray for God to show me where I was not being obedient to what He was asking me to do and here we are today!  Now while I know that my blog is probably not the only thing that God may need to show me about my lack of obedience towards Him and what He has called me to do, it was the first thing and I couldn't deny it anymore.  So here I am, again.  Please be patient with me :)

The biggest lesson that I took away from these past few weeks is that partial obedience is still disobedience.  King Saul had to learn his lesson the hard way.  God called him to destroy Amalek for what he did to Israel and not to spare a thing.  Very straight to the point if you ask me.  However, Saul decided that instead of destroying everything like God said,  he was going to keep the best of the sheep and the oxen back to sacrifice to the Lord (1 Samuel 15).  His disobedience cost him his kingdom.  No matter if it is about a life choice, a circumstance, a reaction or just a blog, when we are not 100% obedient to what God is calling us to do we are being disobedient and we miss out on the amazing things that He has in store for us.