Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes...

Though uncomfortable for the most part, it is inevitable.  The reality is that we change every day without even giving it much thought.  As we are getting older, our bodies change...sometimes for the better and other times, well you know.  We daily change our unmentionables (hopefully) and our wardrobes change with the latest styles and trends.  When we get in the mood, we even change our hairstyles.  Your outlook on your health improves, so you decide to change the way that you eat and to take better care of yourself.  There is a false sense of comfort that comes when we feel like we have some sort of control over our lives.

But what about the bigger things? What about our preconceived notions on how things should be or our reactions and responses to others?  What about the plans that we have presumptuously engraved in our minds leaving no room for the Spirit to move?  Or even the comfort of doing what you are used to doing, even if it is not the best? How quick are we to change those things about ourselves, the things that really matter?  The past few weeks, the Lord has been continuously speaking to my heart about change.  I can't lie, when I first realized what He was saying to me, I reverted.."Oh dang Lord, what's going to happen now?  I don't think now is the right time! What are you going to change and will it hurt?!"  But then when I allowed myself to remember Who God is and that His thoughts towards me are always good, I once again gave Him my trust and buckled up for the ride.  Without fail, I was allowed to be in a few circumstances in which I had a choice.  A choice to do what I felt comfortable doing or do what I knew that the Lord wanted me to do. There is a big difference in the two and let me tell you, if swallowing your pride was easy, more people would do it!  Even in the midst of my new found way of doing things,  I had a peace that can only come from being exactly where the Lord wanted me to be, doing exactly what He wanted me to.

What we willingly allow God to change in us shows how much control we actually allow  Him to have over our lives.  I am not saying that I won't ever pick my comfort over what I know I should do, I am now just a little more aware and willing for the Lord to make the changes in me that He needs to so that can become the woman that He has created me to be. You ever hear of the quote, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks?"  Yeah right, I don't buy it!

Don't Stop!

A sweet lady named Sue came into my office today and after talking for a few minutes, she shared with me that she has been praying for her husbands salvation for the last forty years.  Forty years?!  Yep, forty years.  Every single day she pleads with the Lord for his soul.  She explained how his body is failing from a terminal disease and the things that we daily take for granted, like walking and breathing are taxing for him. She wasn't so much concerned for his healing, though she would love that, her main concern was that he would be right with the Lord.  I asked her if I could pray for her husband and we grabbed hands and once again gave the situation to our God.  Through the tears she admitted that she sometimes gets discouraged when it seems that nothing is happening, but then she smiled and quoted Ephesians 3:20, still believing that her God can and will do more that than she could ever think, ask and hope for.  She went on to proclaim how God's thoughts and ways are so much higher than ours could ever be and that even in this she trusted that He still has a plan for her husband.  With her eyes lifted up she said, "I will never stop praying!"


How easy it is to stop praying for a situation that seems impossible in our eyes.  Frustration and discouragement provide for the perfect formula to cause us to stop believing and to stop praying, the one thing that God tells us to do without ceasing (1Thessalonians 5:17).  Family members that are not walking with the Lord, people that we love that are snared in bondage, direction in a decision, or simply waiting on a sweet God-given desire, no matter what it is, don't stop praying because it is important to Him. Instead of allowing our not yet answered prayers to build the foundation of an unshakable faith, we allow ourselves to be robbed of the beauty that comes in the waiting for God's perfect timing. Like Sue, I pray daily for my husband, though I am not yet married.  It is what the Lord has put on my heart to do.  Do I get tired? Yes. Do I allow discouragement to take me out of being a part of the beautiful story that the Lord is creating for me?  Sometimes. Then the Lord reminds me of Who He is, gives me a sweet kiss on the cheek, dusts me off, smacks me on the butt and tells me to get back in the game!


What are you praying for?  Perhaps the more appropriate question should be, what have you stopped praying for?  Ask the Lord to show you.  Then go back to what you know to be true.  That God is good, that He hears the cries of His saints, that His timing is impeccable and that His ways are far beyond what you could ever imagine.  Don't stop praying!


"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." -Ephesians 3:20&21

Looking TOO Far Ahead...

As long as I am on the freeway by 8:40 in the morning, I am good.  I have plenty of time to get to work and even stop to get some coffee or check my P.O Box.  There aren't usually many hiccups to my morning plans for which I am very thankful.  But this morning was different.  The difference about this morning compared to every other weekday morning that I am headed  up the 5 was that there was a little fog on the freeway.  When I say a little fog, I mean just a little fog.  I am not saying it in a sarcastic "these people need to get over it" tone either.  I literally mean a tiny bit, un poco...hardly any. Then the brake lights started, tires screeched, and traffic began coming to a halt...all this panic over tiny bit of fog. What was the big deal? When I stayed focused on what was a few miles in front of me it was all clear, but when I tried to see beyond that it was fuzzy, this little bit of fog was obstructing my view.  The uncertainty of what was ahead was making  people behind the wheel panic, the unknown was causing delays.  Then it all made sense...

When I keep my eyes on Jesus for my today, for my now, I have peace and clarity but when I start to look into my future the unknown has the power to cause me panic and doubt.  He is the God of my yesterday & my tomorrow yet He asks me to trust Him today, to seek Him today, to walk with Him today.  He tells me in His word not to worry about tomorrow, but to acknowledge Him in all of my ways and He will direct my paths (Matthew 6:34 & Proverbs 3:5-6).  When I look beyond today my vision is obstructed, I see everything else except Jesus.  Purposing in my heart to keep my eyes on Jesus and live in today, even though I don't know what it holds, gives me a peace that surpasses all understanding.  

You may not know what will happen tomorrow, but you can be confident knowing Who holds it in His sovereign hands.  Don't look ahead trying figure it out on your own, live now, seek Him today, worship Him today and let Him take care of the rest!

Can you relate?

What Does God See When He Looks At Me?

Someone came into our church office this week, they were not sure why but they just felt the need to come in.  The basic, nonchalant conversation that we were having turned into something more divine.  God used this person to bless, encourage and confirm things to His little girl and as we both watched this play out, we were in tears.  One thing that they reminded me of and that I want to encourage you with is to never forget how the Lord sees you.

Life causes scars, hardened hearts and wrinkles.  We get older, our bodies are not what they used to be, we  become jaded and our child-like innocence turns into adult reality.  No matter what has happened in your life or what is to come, God still and will continue to see you as He always has, as His precious child.  It was suggested to me to get a picture of myself of when I was a little girl and place it in my Bible. This is the one that I picked..

When days get tough and my mind wants to doubt, I can open up my Bible and remind myself of what He sees when He looks at me.  He knows we are vulnerable, that we need Him to provide for us, to strengthen us, to comfort us and even for our daily breath.  We need Him for everything.  He knows.  Just the way you look at your daughter or son when they come to you with tears in their eyes from hurt feelings or boo-boos and worries or fears is the exact same way God looks at you when you come to Him. 

So get a picture and put it in your Bible, purse or wallet and when you need a reminder pull it out and let God remind you of His daddy's heart towards you.

Xoxo,

Tamara

Commitment-Phobe?

I have no problem committing to things.  Special dates, get togethers with friends, dinners, birthday parties...I'm there!  The calendar in my cell phone is chalked full of events that I without hesitation R.S.V.P'd to, set with alarms to remind me days and sometimes hours before these things go down.  Why wouldn't I make myself available to spend time with friends and the people that I love?  When things or people mean something to you it is easy to commit, sometimes you don't even think twice.  I wish I could say that I am always the same way when it comes to my commitment to the One who should mean the most to me above all else, above everyone else.

Yes, I have a special relationship with God and yes, I have committed my life to Him...but am I 100% committed in all of my ways? Not always.  I was challenged tonight to set aside a certain amount of time to seek Him and His wisdom. To diligently and purposefully set in my heart to pursue Him, beyond my normal quiet time, beyond the ways that I have grown accustom to.  To lay my desires and my time tables completely at His feet, putting everything else on the back burner, forgetting the "how I used to's" & "oh Lord, I think I can take it from here" and just trust.  I was hesitant. I know, I know...it sounds bad doesn't it?  I mean, who gets nervous about making a vow like this to an Almighty God?  We all do at some point in our lives.  We probably do it more times than we would even care to admit. Relinquishing control, resting and waiting on the Lord goes directly against our flesh and though I desire to be the type of Christian who quickly and flawlessly lays it all down at His nail scarred feet never to look back or pick it back up again, it doesn't always play out that way.

"But Lord, what if I give it to You and You never give it back?"  Yup that is a possibility,  but I know that the godly desires that I have in my heart have been given to me by His loving hand.  "Looord! What if something comes up or I miss out on something or..or..or.." I can come up with a thousand of reasons why I can't and not to mention the enemy of my soul that so subtly slides in and helps me come up with new ways to doubt the goodness of my God.  He quietly replies to my heart, "Am I not more important than these? Have I ever let you down before? Don't you remember that your times are in My hand? That nothing can thwart My plans for you? That I have plans for you bigger than you could ever dream of and I established them before you were even thought of?" *SIGH*  Being reminded of His goodness and His faithfulness leave me speechless.  He promises in His Word that if I seek Him with my whole heart I will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13) and that He will always guide me in the way I should go (Isaiah 58:11).  And you know what?  If God says it, I will purpose in my heart and mind to believe it. That settles it. So here goes..



"Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths." -Proverbs 3:5&6 (AMP)

We all remember the old school version of the Footprints in the Sand poem, right?  Well, check out this one...

New version of
Footprints in the Sand

Imagine you and the Lord Jesus walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace. But your prints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures and returns. For much of the way it seems to go like this. But gradually, your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends.

This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: your footprints that once etched the sand next to the Master's are now walking precisely in His steps. Inside His larger footprints is the small 'sand print', safely enclosed. You and Jesus are becoming one.

This goes on for many miles. But gradually you notice another change. The footprint inside the larger footprint seems to grow larger. Eventually it disappears altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one.

Again, this goes on for a long time. But then something awful happens. The second set of footprints is back. And this time it seems even worse. Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Deep gashes in the sand. A veritable mess of prints. You're amazed and shocked. But this is the end of your dream.

Now you speak. "Lord, I understand the first scene with the zigzags and fits and starts and so on. I was a new Christian, just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with you."

"That is correct."

"Yes, and when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps. I followed You very closely."

"Very good. You have understood everything so far."

"Then the smaller footprints grew and eventually filled in with Yours. I suppose that I was actually growing so much that I was becoming like you in every way."

"Precisely."

"But this is my question. Lord.. Was there a regression or something? The footprints went back to two, and this time it was worse than the first."

The Lord smiles, then laughs. "You didn't know?" 

He says. "That was when we danced."

By Mark Littleton
© 1990

Yep, that's my heart. It's on my sleeve.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. Seriously, my face can't hide what my heart is feeling no matter how hard I try. But I have not always been this way.  Sadly, prior to the last four years of my life, I could have been the reigning champion in the annual "Hidden Feelings" competition. Even expressing my emotions was so foreign to me that just the thought of it made my heart beat hard inside of my chest and I felt like I would keel over from fear. I learned as a young girl that no matter how I was feeling, what was happening to me or what was going on around me,  that if I smiled no one would be the wiser.  They would think that everything was okay.  So that is exactly what I did!  I smiled.  The bigger the smile, the happier I appeared...right?!  Not saying that I never had a reason to smile, but instead of using what God gave me to express joy...I also used it to hide behind.  Accepting the lie, I hid behind my smile, jokes and even whit to protect my extremely sensitive heart.


Without even realizing it, I re-entered my relationship with Jesus the same way.  Instead of telling Him how I really felt, I would act as if I was okay even when I wasn't.  When I would kneel down to pray to my God, a wall would automatically go up because I was afraid.  Afraid to be real, to admit my fears, my hurts, my short comings, my dreams & my desires to the one Who created my heart. The crazy thing is that I didn't even realize that was what I was doing.  I was so used to being a certain way, that I thought it was the only way to be.  Then little by little Jesus so lovingly opened my eyes to the prison of protection that I had built around my heart and how if was keeping me from being free to be real with Him.


God has taught me that He desires to know my inward parts, I mean it is not like He doesn't know them already,  He just wants me to trust Him enough to let Him knock down those walls that I had once created for myself.  His word is true, where the Spirit of the LORD is, there is freedom! (2 Corinthians 3:17)  Being vulnerable and open is scary, but knowing Who goes before me and fights on my behalf makes it so worth it!  To be very honest, there are times where I desire to go back to what was comfortable, my old ways of self-protection and try to hide my heart, but He won't let me. Literally, He won't allow it and I cannot thank Him enough!  It is as if He has erased that part of me, the person that I once was and placed wisdom and peace where fear once resided.  He is continually making me new!  You know what else is awesome?  That He won't stop His work in us until it is complete! 


"And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you." -Philippians 1:6 (AMP)

Changing Seasons!

This morning finally felt like fall to me!  I don't know if it is just because it's the first of November or because Thanksgiving is literally coming around the corner (Yay for family & Thanksgiving food!!)  but either way I was excited!! I was excited for the change of seasons!  Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I am never this excited or expectant when God changes my seasons.  I actually turn into a heavyweight grappling champion.  Wrestling, kicking and fighting to hang on to what I am most comfortable.  Wearing myself out leads to submission and my submission brings a peace that surpasses all understanding, though everything else around me still seems to be in uproar.

Change is frightening.  The unknown is not a place most willingly run to.   Changes in our weather seasons bring rest, restoration and beauty that enrich our earth.  God uses our personal seasons to do the same for our lives.   Though not all enjoyable or easy, there is a purpose for everything that He allows and we can trust that it is only for our good. He is good! Let's be real, He cares more about our character than He does our comfort and I am so thankful for that!

Seasons change. Things adjust. God prunes and plants.  But in order to get to the next season that God has waiting for you, you need to go through this one.  He knows exactly what He is doing and only He knows how you need to be prepared for what He has in store!  So enjoy it and seek the Lord in it, because before you know it you will be walking through the door to your new season.




1 Peter 1
⁶ In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷ These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. ⁸ Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, ⁹ for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 

As many times as it takes!

Life is Busy. Everyday there are a thousand different things that pull you in a thousand different directions.  Ministry, church, family, marriage, children, health, jobs, fitness, relationships, friendships, school, overtime, bills...and the list goes on. This seemingly never ending list sometimes causes us to neglect what we need the most above all else, quiet time with the Lord.  

When we do make the time to sit quietly and allow our souls to become filled with His life changing words, our minds become a battle field; fighting to stay fixated on the Giver of life and not allowing ourselves to become consumed with the thoughts of all the things we have going on or have to do.  It is like my mind turns into a radio randomly changing from one station to another or a movie reel playing out my past mistakes and future hopes.  I start to get frustrated but instead of giving up and getting up, I pray...as often as my mind wonders, I pray.

I came across this quote last night by Saint Francis De Sale that says, "If the heart wanders or is distracted, bring it back to the point quite gently and replace it tenderly in it's Masters presence.  And even if you did nothing during the whole of your hour but bring your heart back and place it again in Our Lord's presence, though it went away every time you brought it back, your hour would be well employed."

Sometimes it's easier to stop reading, to get up and begin your "to-do" list.  Don't give up so easy.  Remember that your time spent with the Lord is the best thing that you could ever do for yourself.  Oh, and don't worry about all of the other things, God will work out the rest.

It's Your Choice.

I woke up this morning to the song Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson.  I rolled out of bed with a huge smile on my face, thanked Jesus for another opportunity and headed out to my Keurig.  Finishing the book of Nehemiah and Esther, I started on the book of Job.  Though I was out of Nehemiah, God continued to put chapter 8 verse 10 in my mind, which says,  "Do not sorrow, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” I thanked the Lord for an amazing reminder and continued my quiet time in Job.

I am going into this assuming that most of us are familiar with the story of Job.  He is described as being blameless and upright, a man who feared the Lord and shunned evil.  With that being said, the Lord allowed him to be tested...and boy was he tested.  He lost everything.  But he didn't react how most of us would.  This is what he did:

²⁰ Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshiped. ²¹ And he said:

      “ Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
      And naked shall I return there.
      The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away;
      Blessed be the name of the LORD.”
²² In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong.

Wow is right!  I was humbled, especially by the last part "In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong." How quick are we to technically blame the Lord?  We blame Him for not loving enough, not being good enough, not being patient enough, not stepping in soon enough...sad thing is I could go on.  The joy of the Lord was his strength.

As I was getting dressed for work the song The Joy of the Lord was on repeat in my head. I slip on my very cute cardigan from H&M, which I had only worn once for a half of a day mind you and decide to pull out my electric lint brush to remove some lint from the sleeve. That sucker ate my sleeve!!  Okay, I am exaggerating but it did put a hole in it the size of a half dollar making it unwearable.   Right at that moment, the Lord asked me, "So are you going to keep singing? Will you choose joy?"  I am not even going to front, this event would normally have ruined my morning..but instead of letting it, I chose to keep singing as I tossed my sweater in the trash.  Now look, I know a ruined sweater doesn't compare to a lot of things, but God knows exactly what I need to get His amazing point across to me and in the process show me my own heart.  

To keep singing in the midst of it all, whatever it is, is a choice.

Don't Stop The Fight!

There are times in our walks when we become tired.  Seasons that the Lord has led us to, though for our own good, seem never-ending. Prayers repeated on the daily that we have grudgingly come to accept that there might be a small possibility that they could be falling on deaf ears.  Thoughts become consumed with the issues at hand and fears start to set in. The strength to fight off the over-looming enemy that seeks to destroy you is failing.  Then those tiny seeds of discord, discouragement and discontentment implanted by Satan grow, causing you to question and doubt the One who created a plan for you before you were even thought of.  We all grow weary at times.

But then the Lord reminds us of the truths in His sweet Word...


"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." 
-Galatians 6:9


"Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it." -Matthew 10:39


"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths." -Proverbs 3:5-6 


"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38&39


"...being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." -Philippians 1:6


"Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him.." -Psalm 37:7


"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." -Jeremiah 29:11


"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us..." -Ephesians 3:20


"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28


Then you remember why you have kept fighting up to this point.  You remember why you continue to read and pray even though you may not feel anything or nothing seems to be changing.  You remember how He has always been faithful to you and has never let you down, how He has always provided a way out for you. He reminds you of how His thoughts and ways are higher than yours and how there is a purpose for everything under heaven.  He reminds you of how He parted the Red Sea and raised from the dead. You remember why you love Him and you keep on fighting.

Imagine Yourself Here...

Sometimes you just need a mental break...

 Your Welcome.                                                               

I love a good quote!  Now that I admitted that, I feel that I also have to admit that I borrowed this from friend :)
Her name is Jessica & she writes seriouslygod...check her out!

“Your journey has molded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don't think that you've lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now, and now is right on time.” 

― Asha Tyson

 Sweet, huh?!

Be Blessed.

”

So Do You Really Believe It? Do You?

Last night during a sweet worship service we sung Your Love Never Fails.  The words at the very end of the song sing "You make all things work together for my good" and usually whoever is leading worship continues singing that sentence over and over.  As I was singing along, hands raised to my God with what I perceived to be my whole heart, He ever so gently asked me,"But Tamara, do you really believe it?" My heart started to race and my eyes started to tear as I answered Him as honest and raw as I possibly could at that very moment...

"Sometimes, Lord."

Let's face it. Sometimes life sucks.  Isn't it easier to trust that God is better able to use the less complicated things in our life for His good then the more complex things?  I look at the events of my life thus far, some really good and some not so much.  But no matter the outcome, I can now look back and see God in them all.  Don't get it twisted.  My circumstances may not have changed, I still had to go through the trial, I went through the stages of grief, I went through the hurt and the wondering why. Whether it was Him allowing my car to break down so that I could witness to the tow truck driver or for my Grandma to be taken by such a destroying disease so that those around her could see her peace and joy in the midst of the pain of death, He used it for His good.

God says that ALL things...not some, not just the easy stuff, not just the pretty things. All things.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28


Oh, here is the song..

And It Goes A Little Something Like This!

In my head, it goes a little something like this:

God is sitting in heaven looking down on me.  He turns to the angels that are all around Him and says, "Just twenty-six more days!  Twenty-six more days until she understands!"  With glee, He smiles down at me.  This same thing happens everyday as He is counting down the days to my understanding.  "Thirteen more days!" "Six more days you guys!", "Tomorrow is the day!" Then finally the day comes!  He throws the biggest shindig and invites only His closest friends.  They all watch the big screen as the light bulb goes off in my head and I finally understand what the Lord has been trying to show me!  I smile a smile of relief, I breathe a sigh of freedom as I proclaim " I get it now!"  Little did I realize what my Jesus had up His sleeves this whole time.  He has been lining up the divine appointments, the sweet words of wisdom from friends, even the little nuggets in my quiet time all for this moment.  All for the perfect time that my heart would be at a place to receive what He needed me to understand.  He did it all for me.

God's patience with me blows my mind, because frankly, I would have given up on myself a long time ago.  The thought of it humbles me.  It not only shows His divine sovereignty over the affairs of my life but also His immeasurable, unconditional love for me.  I pray that I would have that same patience for myself, that same pursuing, loving, gentle patience for you.

God knows exactly what we need AND when we will be at that perfect place to receive it.  That is just how ah-mazing our God is!

His Stamp Of Approval!

"Hi...uh, my name is Tamara and I am a head tripper."

"HI TAMARA!"

For those of you who do not know what I mean, here is the Urban Dictionary definition:

Head Trip

(noun) Something that you dwell on for a long period of time. Often an irrational fear or the reaction to Satan psyching you out. (It really said someone but I changed it to Satan)

With that being said, I feel the need to tell you that I do not always head trip.  There are circumstances in my life in which one would think that a head trip is in order, but God's peace has always proven itself to me during those times.  However, writing this blog has had me on edge. Here are the three main reasons why:

1.  I don't feel qualified.

2.  As I write what is on my heart, I make myself vulnerable. 

3.  I never really know if anyone is reading it or even being encouraged by it.

As I mulled these thoughts over and over...and over in my head.  I got the brilliant idea of calling a friend to ask her what she thought of my last post.  It has been the hardest for me to write because it is so close to home (going back to #2 on my list).  I figured that if I just got a little word of encouragement or some positive reinforcement than I could be sure that I am doing okay, that my posts have been okay...Well, God had a different idea.

He ever so gently called me out. "I have called you to do this so why are seeking the approval of a man, when I have already approved you? You are already approved."  Oh, no words.  Then He gave me this visual:

Whoever is reading this, I want you to know that you too are already approved.  God has called you by name. You are His. 

"Why live for the approval of men when you can have the approval of their Creator? What can they give you that God can't? -Lecrae

Damaged Goods.

For a long time, this is exactly how I saw myself.  Just like this box.  A beat up package with strategically placed fragile stickers to protect and taped up in spots to keep from falling apart. Many experiences led me to this unfortunate conclusion, those that I had no control over.  As a little girl, I learned to allow the actions of others towards me to define who I was and how I saw myself, I learned to take the things that were said to me in anger to heart, believing their truth.  I also learned to let the rejection I experienced in my life to go before me and lay out a path to define my self-worth.  The enemy of my soul took every opportunity to create foot holds in my young, vulnerable mind that he hoped would haunt me continuously, causing me to forever be indebted to the lies that only he could spew.  It worked and for a long time, it became normal to me.  I saw myself through the eyes of the  lies.  Defined myself through the shouts of untruths.  Accepted that every rejection, failure, heartache was some how my fault.  If only I had given a little more, if only I had looked a certain way, acted differently...if only.

BUT GOD. (Oh, how I love that...)

God had a bigger plan for me!  He daily fights my lies with the truth of His word, He continuously teaches me who I am in Him while cementing in my heart His unconditional love and devotion to me. He daily shows me the beauty in which I was created, to be used for His glory.  Because of what I have been brought through, I can confidently look at His little girl and proclaim to her that she is loved and that she is worth it to Him. I would not be who I am today, if it weren't for my yesterday.

Hurt comes in many different forms.  Hastily spoken words, broken life long covenants that were meant to be forever, broken promises or even bruises and broken bones.  But what the enemy has intended for evil, our God promises to use it for good! (Rom 8:28)  He loves you! Trust Him with your pain, let Him restore, rebuild and heal.  Most importantly, let Him use it to glorify His name!

Let's Face It, We Are ALL Waiting For Something.

              Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate
. . . And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine
. . . and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

-Russell Kelfer

"But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up on wings like eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)

'Cause Sometimes We Need A Reminder...

Blogs are Supposed to be Funny...

...Right? Funny, real AND entertaining! I searched for a funny story, a joke, even a picture that might make you chuckle.  I came up with nothing.  BUT what I do have is exactly what I feel that I need to share.  Go figure!

First, some background just to get you caught up with the story: After the kingdom was taken away from Solomon (because his allowed his wives to turn his heart away from the Lord), the children of Israel rebelled against the house of David and eventually nominated Jeroboam to be their king.  Jeroboam, for fear of Israel turning back to the Lord when they went to sacrifice to Him, came up with a bright idea to make two calves of gold and then told the people, "Here are your gods, O Israel, which brought you out of the land of Egypt!"..and get this.  They went and worshiped them.

Needless to say, I was genuinely disgusted.  Really Lord?  I can't believe how ignorant they had to be, that after they had seen all You did for them to bring them out of bondage, give credit to a calf (1Kings 12).  It's a down right shame if you ask me!  As I ranted and raved, God ever so gently showed me that in fact, I am them.  Uff, que lata.

I mean, I may not gather all of my jewelry and create a cow to bow down to, but in reality, whatever I put before or in place of my God becomes my idol. It really is just as silly to seek satisfaction or fulfillment from something that can never fully satisfy, like the one true God can. The scary thing is that it can be so subtle, even in the guise of great and noble things. Your family, a ministry the Lord has entrusted you with, a relationship, a person, your job, an ambition, a desire...and yes, even your own will.

The most amazing thing in even this?  That no matter what, His love for me is unconditional and unchanging.


"Idolatry is having any false god - any object, idea, philosophy, habit, occupation, sport, or whatever that has one's primary concern and loyalty or that to any degree decreases one's trust in and loyalty to the Lord." -John MacArthur

Going Back to the Beginning...

During worship the other night a song was played that really pierced my heart.  To the others there, it was  just another awesome song about Jesus and His sacrifice for us, but to me it was so much more because it was a song that I learned when I first came back to the Lord.  I began to get emotional and not for the obvious reasons.  I was emotional because the feelings that I had towards the Lord and our relationship back then are sometimes very different than the feelings that I have towards Him now.

Back then I was so excited!  I was so excited to get to church! So excited to learn, to seek Him, to just sit at His feet expecting nothing in return but to be in His presence. My heart was so soft towards Him and I yearned to hear His voice. I couldn't erase the smile off my face. He gave me butterflies when He showed me that He had heard my deepest, quietest prayers. He pursued my heart and I let Him. Nothing else mattered.  But what happened?

God showed me that a relationship with Him, is the same as a relationship with a person.  Think about it.  In the beginning, it's exciting!  Getting to know the person, sharing your dreams and desires, rearranging what ever you could to spend a little time with them, talking for hours on the phone about anything and everything.  Pursuing them, making sure that person knew just how special they were to you  and doing all that you could...because to you they were worth it. Then what? Life happens.  Most people stop doing what they did in the beginning.  They stop seeking,  stop pursuing, stop putting in the time.  They get comfortable. Then?  They are no longer satisfied with the relationship.  They start searching for something or someone else to give them that feeling that they once had. Looking for other things to complete them. I mean, relationships just sometimes grow cold  right?! Yeah, but only when you let them.

It is said that a relationship is either moving forward or it is moving backwards, never just staying still.  It is the same with the Lord.  When we stop seeking Him with our whole heart, when we stop doing the things that we know to do, the things that we did in the beginning, little areas of our heart start to grow dim.  You don't pray like you should.  You can now easily neglect the sweet quiet time with Him that you initially couldn't live without.  The sad thing is that you sometimes don't realize it until you are smacked with a hard dose of reality...like the song that you learned when you rededicated your heart to the Lord.

Oh How Easily I Forget...

Thankfulness & Contentment are like conjoined twins that are unable to survive on their own, they depend on each other to stay alive.  Crazy visual I know, but God knows exactly what I need to understand...

I can't lie, sometimes I think that I can pull one over on God.  Not that I am blatantly trying to "pull the wool over His eyes" but in my mind if I can convince myself and believe that I am content, than surely He, the God of all creation, Who formed me out of nothing, Who sees my heart will see that in fact I am!  Well, the jokes on me! It is impossible to be content without first being thankful.

I had a great conversation with a friend this weekend  just remembering all that the Lord has done in our lives.  All of the situations that seemed impossible at first, all the hurts that He has healed, the times where you look back and cannot figure out for the life of you how you have even made it to where you are now and how you continue to thrive.  I have those.  We all do.  But I forgot.  I forgot where He has brought me out of, how He has always provided everything I need, how He has healed my heart of hurts that at one time I didn't think I could bear.  I forgot how His love for me is unconditional, never being able to deserve it, never receiving what I deserve.  I forgot.  This conversation helped me to remember.  In remembering I can be thankful for His goodness towards me and with thankfulness comes contentment,  knowing and believing that He is for me and He will only give me His best. 

"Now godliness with contentment is great gain." -1 Timothy 6:6

Play the Harlot? Yep. I do that.

So you are probably wondering how I came up with the title of my blog, right?  Well, that part was simple...it's my life verse...

Hosea 2:14-15

¹⁴ “ Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
      Will bring her into the wilderness,
      And speak comfort to her.
¹⁵ I will give her her vineyards from there,
      And the Valley of Achor as a door of
      Hope; She shall sing there,
      As in the days of her youth,
      As in the day when she came up
      From the land of Egypt."

...AND the story of my life.

It speaks of God's patience towards me. I play the harlot with the Lord.  (Not literally y'all, but figuratively).  I sometimes go after my own desires forgetting to put Him first, seeking satisfaction from things that could never fully satisfy.  I do that, more that I am comfortable admitting.  Yet, He doesn't throw His hands up and yell "I QUIT!" because He is over my shenanigans or even crush me like an ant because I just can't seem to figure this whole thing out.  He allures me.

Mmmm, that is just so sweet to me.

He takes me to a place where it is just Him and I, to a wilderness in which my comfort (hope, strength, joy..you name it) can only come from Him.  In that wilderness is where I find His grace, mercy & love. It is where my joy is restored and my heart is most teachable.  My brokenness turns me to Him and away from the trouble that I will get into when left to my own devices.  It keeps me close to His heart.  Though it is not Disneyland, I can honestly say with tear-stained cheeks that it is so worth it to me.

Uh...What Am I Doing Here?!

...I can honestly tell you that I have no idea, but I do know that for awhile now the Lord has been nudging me to start a blog and not about anything in particular but just to share my thoughts.  You know, those sweet things that He shows me or even the not so sweet things...or whatever I want!  Most importantly to share my heart.  At our Monday night Bible study I was convicted.  Yes, that sweet conviction about my lack of obedience in the little things (thanks Loli).  I figured that though I feel like I don't have much to offer with this and most times I don't really have much to say (who am I kidding I love to talk!),  I trust that He has a purpose and a reason for everything!
So here we go!